When it comes to sex and relationships there is no such thing as a stupid question. Here are our answers to some of the things you asked us

I’m 27 and have never had sex as I am terrified of getting HIV, and I just need advice on staying safe. I know all about condoms but is doubling up on them better and safer? Please help.

Doubling condoms is less safe than wearing a single condom as the condoms will rub up against each other, making it more likely that they will tear. We are of course glad that you value your health but this need not get in the way of you enjoying a full and happy sex life. Using a condom for fucking will make it very unlikely that HIV will be transmitted. There are also other ways of having sex which don’t involve penetration and these are also low risk for HIV transmission.

Bleeding after anal sex

I have been having anal sex for more than four months with my partner and everything had been fine, but the last two times I have bled afterwards. What does this mean and is it serious?

It’s quite normal for you to sometimes experience irritations and even slight bleeding when you are having anal sex. The chance of this happening is higher if you are having sex for a prolonged period of time and you are not using enough lube. The reason for this is that the skin of the anus and the walls of the rectum are sensitive and small tears can easily happen. Sometimes, if your stools are too hard, they can also cause slight tears in the rectum/anus when you are pooing which can cause bleeding. In order to reduce the chance of tears, it’s important to apply enough water-based or silicone-based lube both on your anus and on your partner’s penis when you are having sex. If you are using condoms, make sure you put enough lube on the condom once it’s on your partner’s penis. It may also be that you are allergic to latex condoms which could irritate the anus/rectum and cause it to bleed when having sex. If this is the case, there are non-latex condom alternatives available both online and in sex shops and pharmacies which you can easily purchase. It is also important to communicate with your partner when he is inserting his penis inside you. If he thrusts too hard right at the start and you are not fully relaxed, open and lubricated, it could hurt your anus and cause it to bleed. Make sure you are relaxed, lubed up and start out slowly. If the bleeding persists, it’s a good idea to contact your GP to discuss things further.

I can’t cum

I know most men ask how to keep from cumming so fast. Well, I have exactly the opposite problem. Why is it that most of the time I either can’t cum, or it takes hours? What can I do to control the length of time it takes for me to cum? 

If you are wanking a lot on your own, you may become accustomed to a certain way of pleasuring yourself. This might be difficult to replicate when you are with a partner. You could show your partner how you like to wank your cock and speak openly about what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. Also, if you know that you will be having sex in a few days, try not wanking for a while. Preserving your horniness for a couple of days usually makes your cock more sensitive and you should feel more aroused when you are having sex with your partner, which could make it easier for you to cum as well. Sometimes, using condoms that are too thick also decreases the sensitivity of the penis. Try using thinner condoms or non-latex condoms, like Durex Avanti, Mates Skyn or Pasante Unique, which feel almost like you are not wearing a condom. 

HIV through swallowing cum

Can you get HIV if you swallow your partner’s sperm in oral sex? Can you get any STIs if a bit of sperm goes in your ass?

Although high volumes of HIV live in a positive guy’s cum, saliva is known to have properties which kill HIV. There have, however, been some cases reported where men have become HIV-positive from getting cum in their mouth so it isn’t completely without risk although the risk is relatively small. You can, however, get other infections from swallowing cum, including gonorrhoea, chlamydia and syphilis. The chance of contracting HIV is significantly increased if you get an HIV-positive guy’s cum in your bum. 

Please note, the advice GMFA provides is intended to support, not replace the relationship that exists between you and your doctor. GMFA recommends you visit your GP or GUM clinic if you have a sexual health need.

To find your nearest GUM clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.